Missing a friend

I always wanted to keep all personal dialog off of my blog. It really flies in the face of the objective of this blog. However, in this case, I need a place to vent and this is my medium of choice. I apologize in advance:

This past week I have not been on BA or on this blog because of the very tragic loss of a friend. His name was Travis Lee and he was a 22yr old member of my fraternity. I was one of those guys that has remained active in my house and I have taken the time to get too know the guys up there.

Travis was a member of my family tree and was a great person. Travis had a wild sense of humor and was a boisterous character. You always knew when he was around.

Tuesday morning I got a call from my little little brother Chris, he was noticeably upset. I knew something was wrong from his message, but I had assumed it was an accident of some sort. When he told me that Travis had taken his own life very early that morning it was as if I was punched in the chest. Like most everyone else the news was numbing and was met with stark disblief. How could he have done this, HE WAS 22 YEARS OLD??!!

I called some of the other guys in the house (out of a lack of knowing what else to do) and it was more and more painful the more that I said it. Suicide.

I went to the house that night with my little brother in the house to be with the guys and try and show them some support. Somewhere along the lines I found out that it was a very close friend of mine that found Travis that morning. There were no words for the pain that he was now experiencing. Not only did he loose his best friend, but now he would shoulder the burden of why he had to see what he saw.

I spent the night there, we cried, drank and tried to understand why, but left for home with a hangover and more questions in the morning. The rest of the week I spent on FaceBook and Myspace (many of the newer guys in the house are into those things), looking at pictures and posting messages. Many of them to Travis on his page. This was the last message I got from Travis on Facebook a week before:

Travis Lee (SUNY Potsdam) wrote
at 11:06pm on April 17th, 2007

Hey there T.O.T (The Original Travis)! I had a hell of a time at the wedding with you and the rest of the guys. It was really cool to see what happens to people after they leave P-Dam and become successful. I really admire you man and if you don't mind me saying, your wife is a smoking hot fox. Keep in touch, or Ill just see you Alumni Weekend. Late.

Friday was the wake, still no answers, just more pain...he was buried on Saturday and all we have left is memories. Today was the first day of the rest of everyone's lives without Travis. Questions linger as well as pain, but all we can do is wait. Someday we will all know.

Travis was a great person with great personal pain. No one saw it, or felt it because when you were with him all you felt was the love he had for all his friends. It was only a few weeks ago that we were all together for Chris' wedding. Everything was great. Now he is gone and we all miss him very much. All we can do is remember the love he had for us and the love we have for him.

I am sorry again for my deviation from homebrewing and I understand how difficult this subject is. I appreciate it if you took the time to read this, though I understand if decided to stop.

To Travis, from T.O.T; you have always had and you will always have my love and respect, see you on the other side brother.